At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
