Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
