I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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