New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
