i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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