Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
