I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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