everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Randomize
