Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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