I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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