Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
