omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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