so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
