I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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