she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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