there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
