I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
