There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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