I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
