Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
