Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
