There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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