please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
