I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize