oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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