is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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