My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize