Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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