Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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