Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
