dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
