READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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