i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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