whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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