He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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