Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
