SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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