My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
