CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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