When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
All I want is dick and wine.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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