Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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