I wannas sexs uuuuu
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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