He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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