Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im holly from the hills drunk
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
