great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
