he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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