When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
