I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
