So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
