elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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