I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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