don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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