no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
smell my finger.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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