And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
