I wish I only lived at night.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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