What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
