i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
