Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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